Path of Eviler Percolations

By Mr. Badger (mbadger@es.co.nz)

Nicknames

Roasters, Bean worshipers or Tea Banes.

Basic Beliefs

Just as there are many causes in the world there are many Paths to follow. Just as a cause needs a great leader the Paths require a leader to show the weak the way. We are those leaders. They are fools if they believe that coffee is all there is. Most are blind to the next step, the step that is known as Coffee.

History

From out of the Dark Ages of the Inquisition came a whole new order. This order understood the evil within mankind that could make a person drink anything else but coffee. Through the ages since they have schemed amongst one and other to secure their own safety as well as the safety of Caine's Brood. After painful (for others) Thaumaturgical research they made contact with Other Beans and learnt a whole new way of Power, that Power is through the mastery and consumption of Coffee. The Path of Eviler Percolations is based on the lesser Evil Percolations but don't think they are the same. Just as white Magick isn't the same as Black Magick neither is white coffee just the sibling of Black Coffee.

Basic Beliefs

Practitioners of the Path do not worship the Bean but have mastery over it. They have gone past the childish first few steps of Percolation and have entered the world of Summoning and controlling the Other Beans. The Path of Evil Revelations fool themselves thinking that can trick or cajole Beings from Beyond the Pale for their own benefit. The practitioners of this Path know full well that a Being that has been watching humanity from afar, that desires to feed on the Avatar within as well as without, that only lacks a foothold within this realm to make Its Plans come to fruition, knows that after all that above all else they could really do with a good cup of Coffee. Forget the play on words or contracts written in blood; it is the Power of the Bean that holds them in sway. With the Bean under our control all else is child's play.

Ethics of the Path

Obey the Bean and it will reward you with Power. Master the Bean and you are the Power. The way of the Bean is pleasure with pain if you fail your obligations. The Bean is a harsh mistress and will eagerly punish you for indiscretions. Destroy those who mock the Bean or hinder its use. There is no middle ground; either drink up or die the death of something too painful to even contemplate but probably involves Mr Wobbly and a cheese grater lubricated with lemon juice to the tune of Baywatch with the sound turned up.

Description of the Followers

Followers of this Path all have a few things in common. They all smell faintly of roasted Coffee beans. This pleasant smell attracts servants and converts to the cause. The smell is attributed to the staining of the aura (and taste buds) once an individual has tasted Coffee rather then coffee. The aura of such a person turns a faint brown colour which pulses slightly black with each taste of true Coffee. Once the aura turns completely black it is unsure what the consequences will be but all are certain it will definitely be worth it and the after taste divine. All the followers are slightly misplaced it time. Their actions are always of a jerky motion as if they are thinking and acting at least one step ahead of everyone else. To them all is normal and it is reality that is slow and ungainly. As such all practitioners gain the ability of Celerity to some extent, wether they possessed it before or not. If the Celerity is used in combat they may loose the ability as no-one likes a show off or a munchkin. All Dexterity is halved during the use of this ability.

Hierarchy of Sins

10	Obeying Coffee rather then making Coffee obey you.
9	Showing weakness in any form.
8	Straying more then 10 metres from a supply of Coffee.
7	Suffering the existence of tea.
6	Drinking anything else than Coffee.
5	Mistaking coffee for Coffee.
4	Letting the Beast take control, unless he's making you a cup while he's up.
3	Failing to educate others in the way of the Bean.
2	Taking pleasure in that which is not Coffee.
1	Admitting verbally or physically that you have had enough Coffee.

Preferred Disciplines

Biothaumaturgy is highly regarded as well as Obtenebration for the usual reasons. Dementation is useful for convincing the 'sheep' of the true way to enlightenment. The way to the Bean is in the Will not the Blood so Disciplines are a crutch rather then a tool.

Special Abilities

Looking like Hell: The practitioners of the Path use this ability when awoken prematurely from slumber. Upon awakening the bodies of the practitioners metamorphoses into a form that makes the Zulo form wet its nappy in terror and flee the area. This may be a from of subconscious Vicissitude or not but it sure as hell looks scary. The belief is the dreams of the Bean must be enjoyed to their fullest and any interruption must be punished.

The observer must make a Courage+fan of horror films roll based on 9 to stay else they flee like the little girls they are. The Path practitioner must make an Appearance+body manipulation roll based on 7 else they have frightful pillow hair all evening and will be grumpy.

Dry Horrors: The practitioners of this Path suffer severe dehydration due to the hydrophobic abilities of Coffee. They must consume massive quantities of blood/coffee at low levels of the Path to survive. Beer may be substituted for the more hardy practitioners but this method has similar effects in the long run. High levels of the Path forbade any such cure so the practitioners may find themselves having a vampiric area effect concerning moisture. Eventually they become walking Deserts and can kill a mortal by sucking the water straight out of their bodies just by walking past. Only high levels of coffee/Coffee in the blood stream can counteract this effect.

Coffee: There are three main types of coffee in the world. Women's Coffee, the type that comes in little cups with little spoons and has to have steam blasted through it before could possibly taste any good. Real Men stay away from this as soon after drinking you put on a dress watch and take up a career in hair dressing. Then there's Men's Coffee. This is the sort of coffee that not only keeps you awake but could strip the floor boards out of a house at the slightest spill. This is the sort of coffee that dissolves metal sooner than look at you. This is the sort of coffee that isn't brewed as much as engineered. Finally there's the third type of coffee. This coffee is as far from Men's Coffee as Men's Coffee is from Women's Coffee. This sort of coffee is known as My Dread Dark Master. This sort of Coffee doesn't just eat your soul but also bleaches the soul of anybody nearby. This is the sort of Coffee that can't even be engineered but has to be Summoned From Beyond. Real Men would like to drink this Coffee but most of them don't have the bollocks to try. Women would drink this Coffee but are far too busy being Powers of Darkness themselves to have the time. The scary thing is women know how to make the best Coffee but they just won't out of spite. They're like that.

Brew Coffee: This has to be believed not told. Just settle for the image of unbelievable amounts of glassware, more electricity then an Aluminum smelter, black billowing smoke and a chalk circle inscribed with runes and candles, oh and some badgers.

Look Enthusiastic: Practitioners of this Path are so happy in their nature, a side effect of the Coffee in their bloodstreams, they are considered to be care free and really with it. Practitioners can often be confused for the Path of Harmony as they seem one with the universe (they are, just not the same universe as everyone else) and peaceful (unless their Coffee supply is taken away then it's hello Mr Psychotic). Talk Crap: Practitioners of the Path are so busy listening to the wonders of the universe to pay attention to the world around them. As such when confronted with conversation they often converse in stories and tales that have as much to do with the facts as a used car salesperson has to do with the same. While untrue these stories can still be entertaining.

Wild Hair: For some reason the effect of Coffee on Vampire as well as human biology is to make the person's hair surly and intractable. A comb helps little and only a Weed Eater (tm) can aid the person. High levels of the Path lower Appearance by one unless the practitioner is speaking to a Mad Scientist or a Hippy (or a teenager) then appearance is increased by one.