Geriatrica

By Ross Entwistle (lpymre@psychology.nottingham.ac.uk)

Author's Note

I hope you Storytellers have a lot of fun with this power. If so write and tell me how it works in your chronicle. I also hope no one is offended by it; the whole thing stems from my love of programs like the old British sitcom Steptoe and Son, and certainly not some thoughtless disrespect for my elders and betters. That aside, well, enjoy!

Description

It is rumoured that Cappadocius himself devised this fearsome power in the nights of the Second City as a forerunner of Mortis. Its use exploits to the full the advantages of being a grumpy old man. Though Cappadocius abandoned it before reaching the third level, it survives today in a more refined form in the hands of a few wily elders amongst the Inconnu, who jealously guard its secrets. It must be noted the discipline cannot be learned by any kindred less than 200 years old; they just have no aptitude for it and those who undertake its study find themselves rapidly losing touch with the modern world.

* War Wound

By making a Perception + Alertness roll (difficulty 7), the vampire can predict the coming of rains and storms as a tingling sensation in a pre-determined area (gammy knee, scalp, shrapnel fragment etc). Additionally the character can pick up radio at random intervals from any metal prosthetics such as fillings or hip replacements.

** Coot's Cackle

By spending one turn cackling at his foe and rolling Wits + Intimidation (difficulty 7, 3 successes required), the vampire can force the target to make an instant frenzy check. For every success over three the target's Frenzy roll increases by one.

*** Power Wheeze

After spending 1 BP and a turn making the most heinous, lung-rattling, expectorating noises, with one almighty wheeze, the vampire automatically knocks down all those within 5ft. The wheeze causes 1 target 2 dice sonic/spittle damage at (difficulty 6, standard damage, soakable by fortitude only).

**** Form of Albert Steptoe

By expending 2 BP and 1 turn the Cainite assumes the form of the crotchety rag and bone man. In this form the vampire gains a bonus of +2 Intimidation (toothless gurning) and +3 Wits (wily old bugger). Furthermore he can now rationalise the most base acts of pettiness against those that he has fought in a war. Treat as though the Cainite has humanity of 2 less than normal, without any fear of actual loss. However movement is reduced to a slow shuffle and all physical attributes are reduced by -1.

***** Yatter on about the War

First the character must have been in a war. If he hasn't he can't progress beyond 4th level. Secondly it will only work on mortals and lower generation vampires (bloody upstarts!). Anyone in earshot who fills these criteria must make a Willpower roll, (difficulty Geriatrica master's Wits + Intimidation, max 8). Those who fail to resist cannot approach within 10ft of the Cainite without taking 2 automatic aggravated wounds per turn, soakable normally. Combined with form of Albert Steptoe this is a truly formidable power.

****** Pickled Onion Sustenance

This power is always active. The character's metabolism alters to the point that every 5 pickled onions consumed will provide the equivalant of 1 BP. Only 10 BPs per week may be imbibed in this way and more than 5 BPs worth a week will cause the character to smell strongly of onions.

******* Destroy Popular Culture

By spending 3 BP and 3 turns unbroken ranting the character causes the disintegration of any inanimate objects in a 10ft cube radius. The newer the item the more susceptible it is. Roll Charisma + Leadership then consult the following table to see what goes:

Successes	Items Destroyed
1	Invented in last 20% of the vampires life (years)
2	Last 30%
3	Last 50%
4	Last 70%
5+	Last 90%

To this end "younger" Geriatrica masters can obliterate cars and guns, the very oldest bows and arrows and suchlike.

******** Bloody Minded One-upmanship

Even if you haven't seen it all by now you think you have, and you're bloody well going to let people know it! This power is always in action. Any attempts to use Presence on you automatically fail. Furthermore if anyone in earshot makes a Knowledge roll you automatically get to make the same roll yourself with one extra die. Flamin' whelps!

********* Curse of Beige

By spending 5 BP and spending 3 turns ranting (Charisma and Leadership, Difficulty 7) the vampire can turn whatever he wants, organic and inorganic, a nice safe shade of beige. Roll twice:

SuccessesRangeDuration
1Small item (mobile phone size)1 turn
2Person1 scene
3Car size/3 people1 month
4Rig size/10 people1 year
5All in 1 mile cubed1 year
6All in 5 miles cubedPermanent
7+Small city widePermanent


Provided its within the size range and line of sight the vampire can tailor the effects (hair, clothes, whole people, buildings). Furthermore the effects are at a structural level so even regrown limbs, etc will be beige until the time elapses. This power makes your enemies easy to spot, but more importantly provides mucho humiliation all round.

**********

There is no tenth level Geriatrica power. All the current practitioners are too grumpy to search for something so pointless as Golconda.