By Abe Dashiell (adashiel@indiana.edu)
"That's not what the warlock said," I replied, pressing closer to the Nosferatu, ignoring his stench. I had caught him during one of his infrequent trips down town; he was out of his territory and far less composed than usual. The crowd parted around us, dutifully ignoring us as they went about their lives. I was used to the traffic, the hordes of kine, but it was obvious Donnelly was not. He wrinkled his nose at them, but I could see the Hunger burning in his eyes. "Not used to so many potential blood feasts, eh Donnelly?"
He scowled and latched onto my shoulder, dragging us into the flow. "They are but fuel in our war against the Ancient Ones. And you," he turned a furious eye on me, "are little better, prouncing around 'masquerading' like the pathetic 'kindred.'" He spat out the Camarilla word for our kind and sneered. Donnelly stepped down a shady alley and having little choice, I followed. "I recall a time when you would unflinchingly turn mass murder into an art form. And now you want to be one of them?"
I tore out of his grasp and before he even knew he'd lost me, I had him pinned against the wall, my razor buried an inch into his neck. The blood flowed sluggishly out of the gaping wound and I stared at it, transfixed. I'd made a deep cut across the jugular and carotid and it looked wickedly mortal. Had Donnelly truly been alive, I would have been showered by a glorious fountain of vitae. I began to imagine what it would be like to feel the blade and the warm rush of my blood bursting forth, escaping as though it had a mind of its own.
That is when Donnelly backhanded me. For a brief moment I flew, but my flight was cut brutally short by a sharp stab of agony. I looked down at myself and idly wondered how I had gotten so far off the ground and why on earth I hadn't landed yet.
"You bitch!" Donnelly screeched, his Mask in shambles and his unmatched eyes bright sparks of rage. "What the fuck you do that for?!" He ripped the blade out of his throat and much to my chagrin, twisted it like a pretzel. Already his wound was nearly healed. I tried to respond, but there was something in my mouth, making it difficult to do anything but squawk. At first I couldn't figure out why I couldn't spit it out, but as my senses returned to me, I realized just where I was. The alley Donnelly had chosen cut between a leather bar and a porno shop. All the windows on the leather bar had deliciously evil-looking, wrought iron bars, complete with long spikes. I really must have looked rather comical, hanging on that window, impaled by five or six spikes, with one of them sticking through the back of my head and jutting into my mouth. From the smirk on Donnelly's face, he must have thought so.
The two Rough Traders who were hanging outside of the bar's alley entrance didn't agree. When I wrenched myself off the window bars it was as if all the blood in their faces drained to their feet. Donnelly and I made quick work of them.
"You know, if you got what you want," Donnelly said casually as we stashed the bodies, "a stunt like that one would have torpored you. You would have bled dry in short order." He'd completely forgotten his anger and was smiling at me crookedly. I could feel the power of the Vinculum strengthen and I realized with no little surprised that he was concerned.
"You do know, don't you!" I grabbed the dirty lapels of his trenchcoat and stared into his flinty eyes, "But you don't get it, do you?" He stared at me quizzically and I shoved him away. "It has nothing to do with being human. It has everything to do with feeling alive again."
He muttered something darkly about flighty Toreador, sighed and fished around for something in his trencher. He pulled out a small, highly ornate and very old, leather-bound book and handed it to me. It was the color of dried blood and was covered in arcane symbols that look liked they'd been etched into its surface with molten gold. I reached out to take it, but Donnelly wouldn't let go. He said, "What the Tremere and Tzimisce know we either figured out first or learned soon after. What you need to know is in this book, but you're not going to be able to do it by yourself." He let go and added, "It's no small feat to become a living vampire."
The temptation to become "human" but at the same time retain their powers is a strong one for many kindred. However, the extreme difficulty of attaining this goal, in addition to the many drawbacks of being alive and still vampiric, dissuade all but the most determined or foolish.
The second kind of living vampire, though still exceedingly rare, is far more common. It is rumored that Baba Yaga first discovered the method of creating one from an undead vampire millenia ago when she captured and "studied" a very unfortunate, "naturally" born living vampire. The method she developed made use of Thaumaturgy, but since that time, several other means have been realized. Powerful, low generation Tzimisce have also learned how to produce living vampires through extensive use of Vicissitude, though living vampires created by such a method are nearly always twisted and insane. Powerful mages who also have very extensive knowledge of vampiric physiology are also able to create living vampires. At least one mummy has discovered the method, though she requires a very high price. A number of Celestines and other powers from the Deep Umbra have revived vampires, though these kindred rarely volunteered.
However, the inescapable fact remains that the body of the vampire is a corpse. There are hundreds of sensations that normal humans take for granted that a vampire can never feel. For all their passionate claims every vampire knows that when it gets right down to it, their senses are every bit as hollow as the moral codes they live by. A vampire can never really feel hot or cold or breathe in the scent of morning after a spring rain. They can never taste a home cooked meal except as leftovers in the blood of the person who originally ate it. There is no such thing as a "runner's high" for a vampire! Nearly everything they experience comes second-hand.
For these reasons many vampire seek their mortality; still others want to retain their powers, but also wish to take back their lives. Some have succeeded, but it is often more than they bargained for. A living vampire has all the passions of both a human and a vampire. When she feels the Hunger, the longing seizes her entire body, causing her pulse to race, adrenaline to pump into her veins and she feels a lust so powerful it squeezes out nearly everything else. The passions of the Beast are very strong, almost too strong for a living body to handle. And even as the Beast uses the body to focus its rage, so does the body feed off the power of the Beast. A living vampire will often be manic, swinging from powerful highs and very deep lows. Their human desires are intensified; a living vampire doesn't get hungry, she is ravenous; she isn't just a lover, she's a sexual dynamo. It is little wonder that the Beast often quickly consumes vampires when they take back their lives. However, even as those passions feed the Beast, they also strengthen the vampire's psyche and sense of being.
Among the Sabbat, living vampires are universally reviled -- at least officially. In truth, not a few Toreador antitribu have attempted to become living vampires. The Catharists in general are far more likely to attempt to become living than the followers of any other path. Nevertheless, a living vampire is rarely safe in a Sabbat controlled city and those Sabbat who do regain their bodily functions either try to leave the sect or hide their conditions. The Lasombra are staunchly against the practice, as are the Tremere antitribu, Assamite antritribu and Nosferatu antitribu. The Tzimisce, on the other hand, are rather fascinated by them . . .
Because of their chilly receptions from the major sects, most living vampires end up turning Anarch. They are often forced out of vampiric society altogether, sometimes running with other supernatural outcasts, but even more likely living solitary existences. There are far too few of them to form a coherent society of their own though they have been known to keep in touch. Misery loves company.
Living vampires are alive and therefore are susceptible to the effects disease, poison, suffocation, hypothermia, dehydration and starvation. If taken to zero health levels due to any of these afflictions, they will enter torpor, though they will not lose any physical traits. An obvious exception would be when a disease or poison is particularly physically damaging (e.g. ebola and many nerve gases). The torpor lasts according to the vampire's path or humanity rating though a living vampire who is submerged in the bottom of the lake will remain in torpor indefinitely. When a living vampire enters torpor, she will seem to be dead, though she will not decompose. When she comes out of torpor, she must roll her humanity; if she is unsuccessful, her body stays dead. If she botches, she also develops a permanent derangement.
Furthermore, when they are wounded, they bleed just as a non-vampire would and thus for every point of blood lost, they lose a health level. It is important to note that they do have two separate blood pools, one representing the blood circulating in their systems and the other representing Vitae. The size of the Vitae pool is determined by generation while the regular blood pool is the standard human pool of ten. A living vampire may only expend blood from his Vitae pool. It is possible to cannibalize the blood pool to add to Vitae, but every point so converted causes an unsoakable point of aggravated damage. Other vampires who dine off a living vampire, however, will drain a point from each pool for every one point drained, doing a health level of damage and draining Vitae. The vampire will gain two blood points for every one he drinks. For this reason, living vampires are favorites among diabolists. Living vampires enter torpor when they lose all health and vitae, just as a normal vampire, and risk coming out of torpor undead as described in the previous paragraph.
Like an undead vampire, a living vampire loses one point from her Vitae pool every day. However, while a regular vampire slips into torpor when he's expended all of his blood, the living vampire does not. Her body keeps her active, but the Beast, starving and maddened, will begin to eat at the living vampire's sanity. Every day she does not have blood in her Vitae pool, the Beast will strip her of a single path or humanity point. This loss is permanent, so while a living vampire may be able to go longer without blood, she quickly succumbs to the Beast if she does. If she ever loses all of her humanity and survives an additional day without any blood in her Vitae pool, the Beast will be extinguished, and she will become human. However, she will be irretrievably insane.
The body of a living vampire, though it can be burdensome, does provide some advantages. A living vampire does not take damage from the sun, and though she suffer's from the day's drowsing effects, she performs in the day time as if her path or humanity rating was one higher. Furthermore, the living vampire's body repairs itself as does a normal human's, which she can augment by spending Vitae. Anyone looking at the aura of a living vampire will probably think she is human, unless he knows what to look for and scores at least four or five successes. They are able to eat, drink, and can do anything a normal human can; some are even fertile, though this is rare. They still tend to be paler than the average human, but this is mainly because they are not very active during the day. Finally, though animals still sense the predator's heart of the living vampire, they will not react nearly as violently as they would to an undead vampire.
Loss of humanity is an ever present threat however, and living vampires have more difficulty controlling themselves than their undead brethren. Therefore, difficulties for Self-control or Instinct rolls are rolled at +2 difficulty. On the other hand, they are less affected by Rotschreck, so they receive a +1 bonus on their Courage or Morale rolls and don't have to roll for Rotschreck when exposed to sunlight. Furthermore, they tend to be more empathic and so have +1 bonuses on their Conscience or Callousness rolls. Living Brujah are affected slightly differently. Rather than suffering an additional 2 point increase on their Self-Control rolls (the Beast was strong in them to begin with) they radiate an aura of rage similar to that of lupines. This aura results in penalties for social rolls, especially when the vampire is running low on vitae. Calculate the penalty with the following equation:
(permanent vitae pool - current vitae pool) - applicable social attribute = penalty
A negative result or zero indicates no penalty. Note that this penalty won't apply to most Intimidation rolls
It had become so difficult -- not at all how I imagined it would be. Then the Hunger evaporated as I realized a more immediate need. My stomach growled and I cursed. I had forgotten to eat again, and the pain in my gut demanded attention.
"Two, no three foot longs, with everything you've got." The hot dog vendor eyed me warily and I clenched my teeth, "Please, I am very hungry."
"Gee lady, you sure look bad. You should take better care of yourself." I paid him the money and went off with my bootie. I tore into the hot dogs, eating them so quickly that I barely had a chance to taste them. It was then that I saw myself reflected in a window. I could barely contain my horror. It was not what I remembered. What looked back at me what haggard and unkept. But alive I said to myself, alive! Still, I couldn't meet my own eyes; I knew what they would say. . .