By Mr Badger and Handel W. Care
The golden age for all Vampire kind is sliding towards its end. The greatest achievements have all occurred and the greatest discoveries have all been found. Like the fall of Rome those who built the greatest of glories now stand watching them be defiled by barbarians. The weak walk through cities built by the strong without care for how such magnificence came to be. Such fools must be reminded at all times who came before them and who performed such deeds of grandeur. The followers of the Path of the Crotchety Bastard are the ones who do all the reminding, even if they weren't the ones who performed all the deeds.
Disregard what is new and maintain the old. The best has already happened, anything new is just a shallow mockery or a boring rehash. Originality is your resource alone and it all got used up centuries ago. You know. You were there, after all.
Status and position is defined by age and not ability. Age is constant while ability and success waxes and wanes in time like quicksilver being dripped into a river -- shiny, tiny; quickly gone and forgotten in comparison to the flow of ages.
There is no need to learn further, you've already forgotten more than anyone younger could desire to know. It's all hogwash these days, anyway, and not even good hogwash like they used to have.
Gather material comforts -- with all you've done for the world you deserve all there is and more. Never fail to comment if your needs are not met, as how else will your position improve for the better?
Gift the young with your knowledge and experience; you know far better than they. If they still fail, they're useless students and should have listened better. If they succeed in their endeavors the credit is entirely due to you.
Never fear of succumbing to indolent pleasure, while on the counter suffering should only occur in public with an audience. Of course, such suffering is to be seen but not actually experienced.
The world only exists because of your deedsl make sure everyone is aware of this. Point out your signature in the firmament if they are rude enough to question this fact. Hardly your fault if their eyes aren't good enough to see to the basis of creation, is it? You told them that acting like that would make them blind, but would they listen? Oh no.
All misfortunes in the world are because people did not listen to those who know better, make sure everyone is reminded of this as well. No one ever got anything done by being quiet. Shout, whinge, heckle and bluster -- it's the best way and it's all for their own good.
Followers of the Path of the Crotchety Bastard practice a ritual known as the "Scorning." Within this ritual the success or actions of a notable non-Elder Vampire are discussed in open forum and are always found to be lacking in all possible qualities compared to the deeds of the Scorning Elders themselves in years past. Somehow the younger Vampires become aware of this, even if the Scorning is not publicly actualized. In fact, a number of younger Vampires have been known to use the Scorning as proof that the Crotchety Bastards are against them and always trying to belittle their achievements, despite not actually having true evidence of any such an occurrence. The fact that they are completely correct is neither here nor there as far as the Crotchety Bastards are concerned, and just goes to show that the young are a pack of ungrateful wretches who should mind their manners and be seen but not heard. For preference (and in reality), not being seen would be included as well, of course.
Followers with low Path ratings are more concerned with smacking down young upstarts who could over shadow them while followers with higher Path ratings console themselves with past achievements (achievements that become increasingly magnified with each retelling) and thus see no substance in the prattling concerns of the younger generations. All followers of the Path will of course take great care to explain this fact to all who will listen and indeed all those who wish they weren't listening at the time.
Some followers of the Path adopt a benevolent grand fatherly image, always ready with advice and a tale of deeds past. When angered followers of the Path assume an image more congruent with that of an older sibling suddenly confronted with the loss of a parent's love (attention) due to the addition of a new born baby. Funnily enough, like a new born baby the followers aren't above crying, screaming, ranting and wetting themselves to regain any lost attention, real or imagined. Unfortunately for those around them the noise and bad smells an Elder is capable of creating in a fit of pique can be the by product of the levelling of a city block. They are bigger babies than most nanny services would care to deal with.
10 | Being corrected about anything1. |
9 | Admitting something new is better than anything remembered. |
8 | Showing tolerance of anything/anyone younger than yourself. |
7 | Not being a burden on your lineage. (Path members excluded unless you're older than them.) |
6 | Generosity without personal gain to wealth or respect from others. |
5 | Failing to brag about your own or acquaintances' deeds when the opportunity arises (or is forced)2. |
4 | Allowing progress to occur without hindrance. |
3 | Allowing common sense to rule over experience. "That's how we did it in my day." |
2 | Failing to seek attention and/or recognition. |
1 | Dying3. |