By Bill Stiteler
Several Kindred scholars, focusing on the Malkavian branch of studies, have noticed of late that a peculiar sort of influence has begun to take hold of many of them. Now, this may sound redundant, a peculiar influence on Malkavians, but it is odd in that it seems to remain for a long amount of time. Another interesting thing is that it is affecting even members of the Malkavian Antitribu. Referring to this semi-religious behavior (inspired by a mortal Television Show, if you can believe that!), the scholars have put together a synopsis of what they refer to as:
"You don't understand, do you? This reality you face is just another Bad Movie, sent up by the Mads... All you have to do is see yourself sitting in the front row, and you're on your way to at least seeing things the way they are... Join us! We're a fun group!" -Anonymous Malkavian
Nickname: MSTys (pr: MIST-ees)
Basic Beliefs: The Path of MST3K (short form) was founded after several Malkavians began to tune into the show on Comedy Central. Here they found kindred spirits in Humans, of all creatures, who were attempting to break down the Wall of Sleep by attacking Bad Movies with intelligence, wit, and savvy. They began to view the show with an almost religious reverence, and at every opportunity, turned others on to the show.
Followers of this path regard Bad Movies as the ultimate metaphor for life, and try as hard as possibly to emulate the show in their daily lives. They refer to comments made about movies (and life) as "riffs," and the people who can do the best and/or most obscure riffs are highly regarded.
Ethics of the Path:
-Watch MST3K at every opportunity
-Develop your "riffing" skills
-Study the Bad Movie as an art form to better understand Life
-Attempt to understand even the most obscure reference
-Memorize quotes and responses from the show.
-Turn others on to the show.
History: The show began roughly 5-6 years ago on a local cable access channel. About a year later, it graduated to nationwide cable, where it garnered praise from all sectors (even vampiric). When it became a path among the Malkavians and Antitribu is anyone's guess.
Current Practices: Members meet to watch the show at least once a week (though often more). Some even begin to emulate the show by engaging in "invention exchanges," wherein they try to come up with the best gadget, or, more often, sight-gag.
Description of Followers: Some of the more "sane" Malkavians, as well as a few Brujah (Individualists) and a few Nosferatu. As a rule, Toreador avoid this path (television is furniture).
Views of Others Paths (Sabbat):
Path of Caine: Pretentious to the point of boredom. Like most Paths, they believe they and they alone have the answer, but are by far the worst of the lat. In the words of Crow, "Message coming in!"
Path of Cathari: The White Male Reality personified. "Conspicuous consumption makes our love stronger..."
Path of Death and the Soul: Reminds me of the Mad Scientists who have fueled more than a few "experiments." They seek knowledge not for its own benefit, but to become more like God. Well, they shall see what happens when they tamper in God's domain.
Path of Evil Revelations: They would enslave us all and make us unto Torgo! For this, they must be destroyed!
Path of Harmony: Most of the time these guys are okay, except when they start in on the rhetoric. "He learned too late that man is a feeling creature..."
Path of Honorable Accord: Yeah, they all sound nice, but their "order" is an immutable yolk and would bind us forever in superstition with no chance of betterment. "The law is the word and the word is the law!" Yawn.
Path of Power nad the Inner Voice: The servants of the Mads! They seek knowledge from themselves and others, so they can sell it to the "cable execs" and live high on the hog...
Other Paths' views of Path of MST3K:
Other Paths: Who?
The Path MST3K Hierarchy of Sins
10: Failure to understand a reference
9: Failure to understand that life, like MST3K is "just a show," and that you should "really just relax."
8: Liking the works of Roger Corman, Robert Lippert, et al.
7: Failing to "riff" life when the opportunity presents itself.
6: Failing to study pop culture and other sources for riffing material.
5: Not taping episodes of MST3K
4: Not being a member of the Info Club
3: Turning off a movie because it becomes too painful
2: Failing to watch an episode of MST3K that you've seen before
1: Failing to watch a new episode of MST3K.