The Pavis of Fowl Pretense

By Morion Rain (morion_rain@hotmail.com)

Description

This simple ritual enables the caster to negate the next attempted use of Vengeance against her. (Note: Very powerful uses of Vengeance may not be stopped completely with this ritual.) The Thaumaturgist begins by preparing the following components in advance:
• 4 æths Gallons of hot tar (Preferably fresh).
• The feathers of 16 chickens (Preferably dead).
• 96 ounces of Sulfur (Preferably finely powdered).
• 1468 Charcoal Briquettes (Preferably Matchlight brand).
• 54 ounces of Saltpeter (Preferably finely powdered as well).
• 22,140 match heads (Preferably Strike Anywhere brand).
• A lighter (Preferably a Zippo).
• A standard road flare if the lighter is unavailable.

The Thaumaturgist should begin by casting the ritual "Detect Rude Verbal Threat" to determine if she can let the hot tar cool, or if she should prepare for casting "The Pavis of Fowl Pretense" to protect herself.

The ritual is cast by generously applying a thick coating of protective hot tar to her entire body, (Except some parts of the face.) and intoning in Latin the sacred phrase "Christiani Ardere Possunt" next she applies the 1468 charcoal briquettes as if they were plates of armor. Match heads are placed in between the charcoal, and then the entire body is adorned with Feathers, Saltpeter, and Sulfur.

If properly applied, the caster will find herself immune to the vicious words of others, seeing as how her ears are filled with hot tar and chicken feathers. If this is not the case, care should be taken to add additional hot tar to insure the success of this very useful ritual.

With the preparations complete, the Thaumaturgist may safely approach the Vengeance-filled Kindred, and in a loud steady voice, state:

"Eat my shorts."

Immediately followed by lighting either the Zippo lighter, or the road flare.

All present must then make a Rotschreck check or get very scared.

Unless the Kindred in question has quite a lot of Vengeance all your problems will be over.