Southparkus

By Joe Malk (sane_malk@hotmail.com)

Description

This is a discipline for Malkavians who love the cartoon known as South Park. Like me. If you haven't seen it, I've included explanations of why they're all there and what they're based on. The other note that must be included is that in our chronicle, we believe that all disciplines should have choices as to what to take. (e.g., if you have one dot in Southparkus, you can choose to take either Bad Animation or Cartman's Kick Arse). You must choose which power you want when you take the dot in the Discipline, and it cannot be changed. However, you can take the other power instead of increasing your number of dots. It costs three XP or freebie points to take another power for a Discipline you already have (e.g., if you have one dot in Southparkus, and have chosen Bad Animation, you can spend three freebie points to get Cartman's Kick Arse as well). The other thing about having choices is that if your Storyteller doesn't like a power, he can ban it and still let you have the discipline. Everything is subject to Storyteller approval.

If everybody likes this idea I'll post our other alternate Disciplines sometime. Feedback would be much appreciated on anything and everything.

Level One

South Park is unbelievably badly animated. Strangely, this only adds to the attraction.

System: Use of this power causes everybody in the same area as the Malkavian to move in an extremely jerky manner. Talking is simply opening and closing the mouth, but voices still sound normal. If a Malkavian with this power spends one Willpower point, she can force everybody to suffer the effects of Bad Animation, and everybody (including the Malk) gets two less dice on all Initiative rolls.

One of the main characters is a little child named Cartman. He spends much time threatening to kick people's arses.

System: With eye contact and a successful Charisma + Intimidation roll against a difficulty of the target's Courage + 4, the character can make the target suddenly feel a great fear of getting his rear end kicked extremely hard. He will not attack the character or expose his back to the character for a number of turns equal to the number of successes rolled. The target may attempt to break out by expending a Willpower point and making a Courage roll with a difficulty of six. To succeed, the target must get at least the number of successes rolled on the original Cartman's Kick Arse roll. If the character runs away, then the target will also break out, because someone who is running away from you isn't very threatening.

Level Two

One of the main characters is a chef. Called Chef. Yeah.... In most episodes, he sings a song, which is originally supposed to be about something relevant to the episode, but turns into a song about sex. My kind of guy.

System: This power is a lot like Dominate, except specialised. If the character actually gets up and sings a song about sex, (disco lights and backing music will be magically provided) and passes a Charisma + Music roll he/she will make all members of the opposite sex in the immediate vicinity desperately want to go to bed with him/her unless they pass a Willpower roll with a difficulty of seven. The Willpower roll must gain more successes than the Charisma + Music roll to be successful. Note that in our Chronicle the player actually has to get up and sing for this to work, but that's optional.

See above for info on Chef.

System: Basically Sing it, Chef! except reversed. If the character gains eyes contact and makes a Charisma + Intimidation roll against a difficulty equal to the target's Willpower, the character can force the target to get up and sing about sex (disco lights and backing music magically provided). The number of successes indicates how long the target continues to sing. Someone who is singing cannot be attacked while singing. At one success, she sings one or two lines, then stops. At two successes, she sings a verse and a chorus, then stop. At three or four successes, she sings the whole song, then stops. At five successes, the song has the same effect as if the target had used the Sing it, Chef! power (i.e., everybody wants to have sex with her).

Level Three

Lots and lots of celebrities appear on South Park, all badly impersonated and drawn. Included have been such leading lights as Elton John, Robert Smith, Death, Satan and Jesus Christ.

System: With the expenditure of a blood point, the Malkavian can summon any celebrity from anywhere to enter the scene. Everybody will stop to watch him/her unless they burn a Willpower point. If they are in frenzy, they also ignore the celebrity. If they have Auspex + Perception of at least six, they will realise that it is an impersonator immediately. If not, it will take (6- (Auspex + Perception)) turns. In this time the Malkavian can do what he wants, because he knows the celebrity is an impersonator. If anyone who is watching the celebrity is attacked, she will come out of her trance immediately. The impersonator will leave as soon as everybody has realised he is an impersonator.

In one episode, Cartman had an alien probe up his backside. This was very amusing.

System: With the expenditure of a blood point, the Malkavian with this power can make an alien probe appear up someone's rectum. Because of a weird series of strange things, this doesn't actually injure the target, but it's extremely uncomfortable. The target gets one less dice on all rolls until he spend two turns doing nothing except pulling out the probe. This can be reduced to one turn by just ripping it out, but this causes one injury level of damage. The Malk must pass a Subterfuge + Manipulation roll or the source of the probe will be obvious.

Level Four

In South Park, there is a character named Kenny, who manages to die in some incredibly amusing fashion in almost every episode. However, this doesn't prevent him from returning in the next episode. In this manner, series continuity is kept intact.

System: This power can be used against anyone. If the Malkavian with this power expends a Willpower point, he can cause one person to start suffering incredibly bad luck for one scene. This is really up to the Storyteller on how to roleplay this, but if an opportunity comes up to cause amusing instant death, it will happen to the person. However, they return in the next scene. Some examples are: getting knocked into a microwave, having the Mir satellite fall on him, the Hand of Death, or having his best friend chop him in half with a chainsaw because he had turned into a brain-eating zombie.

The teacher in South Park, Mr. Garrison, has a hand puppet named Mr. Hat. Mr. Hat is very cool.

System: If the Malkavian with this power spends a blood point and a Willpower point, he can summon a puppet who will sit on his hand. The puppet has its own personality and will give the Malkavian advice. The puppet will disappear at sunrise unless the Malk spends a blood to keep it around. Mr. Hat has a Perception of three, a Wits of two and an Intelligence of four. It has one dot in all Knowledge abilities. It can tell the Malkavian how to do things or tell him about things. Good Mr. Hat. Thank you, Mr. Hat. However, he talks through the Malk, so that the Malk has to wave the puppet and talk out of the side of his mouth to receive Mr. Hat's advice. Note that everybody else thinks the Malk is just insane, and that Mr. Hat doesn't really have his own personality. The Malk cannot use Mr. Hat's hand for anything other than holding Mr. Hat, and if he puts Mr. Hat down, Mr. Hat becomes inanimate. If the Malk treats Mr. Hat badly or summons him too often, Mr. Hat will start getting annoyed. This is up to the Storyteller's discretion. Note: Mr. Hat likes it in this world, so he will not get annoyed if the Malk keeps him around. However, the transit between the WoD and the Plane of Hand Puppets is painful, so he does not like getting summoned and sent back all the time.

Cool idea that I just thought of: Make Mr. Hat a player character.

Level Five

See above for information on Kenny.

System: The Malkavian with this power is effectively unkillable. If he dies, he will return unharmed in the next scene. However, all rolls to hit him are at one less difficulty and all rolls to wound him are difficulty five. If an opportunity for instant death comes, Kenny will die (e.g., if a giant rock comes down from the sky, Kenny will be the one hit). If an enemy has a magical Arrow of Instant Staking, Kenny will be the one hit. But even if left out in sunlight, Kenny will be back. Kenny dies a lot, but he always returns. But this doesn't prevent people from stealing all his stuff, and he does not gain any experience for a scene in which he dies.

In many episodes of South Park, two hunters, Uncle Jimbo and Ned, appear, who shoot any and every animal that moves. To get around the illegality of this business, they say "It's coming right for us!" just before killing anything, so people will think it was in self-defence. It works.

System: If the Malkavian with this power says this phrase and spends a Willpower point before killing anything, he can say he had to do it and he did it in self-defence and everyone will believe him. Note that some people/things won't care if it was in self-defence.

Level Six

See above for information on Kenny.

System: With the utterance of the sacred phrase and the expenditure of a number of blood points and two Willpower points, the Malkavian can bring a character who has suffered the Final Death in this scene to return unharmed in the next scene. This power will only work if she takes some of the character's ashes with her. The number of blood points spent is dependent on the character's generation. To work this out, subtract the generation of the character from 15. This is the number of blood points it is necessary to spend to return the dead character. To bring mortals back, it costs two blood points. However, to return mortals, it is not necessary to keep any body parts.

One of the children is an English kid called Pip that everybody hates. In one episode, the Son of Satan becomes friends with the main characters simply because he picks on Pip.

System: With this power, the Malkavian can make one person seem like an incredibly good person to pick on. The Malk must roll a number of dice equal to his Charisma, with a difficulty of the target's Charisma+Intimidation. If one success is gained, then if anyone has a choice between two equally near targets, they will take 'Pip.' At two successes, people will actively attack 'Pip' instead of other targets, even if the others are closer. At three successes, 'Pip's friends will no longer feel like helping him out. At four successes, 'Pip's allies will ignore him and everyone else will attack him. At five successes, everybody will attack 'Pip.' The Malk using the power must pass a Subterfuge + Manipulation roll with a difficulty of eight or 'Pip' will know it's his fault.