By Brant Harvey (bharvey@gladstone.uoregon.edu)
"Creation has a sense of irony, if not humor." --The Book of Madness
Hidden in the cracks of the modern world is a strange cult of Orphans, lost and masterless mages who believe that the highest power in the universe is that of irony. They worship this force as the Dreamspeakers worship Gaia, and as the Order of Hermes worships its charts and tables. They even name their esoteric god, calling it Tod, for reasons unknown.
It is unknown when they came into being, or why. Few mages even know of their existence. They are experts at staying hidden, emerging from the shadows just long enough to make a wiseass comment, then disappearing again.
Philosophy: Look around you. Just look. The universe isn't run by physical forces, like the Technocrats say. Could mere physics explain the deep, dark humor occuring at every moment -- the missed buses, the stained tuxedos, the perpetual failed romantic comedy? No, I think not. The only rational explanation is Irony itself, deified and acting through our every moveme-- What? All this irony can just be explained by the fact that humans will perceive irony whenever possible? Well, of course. That just proves the existence of Tod. What other being but Irony would disprove itself?
Organization: There isn't an organization as much as there is a pecking order. Those Ironists capable of the most mind-bending expressions and explanations of the will of Tod are respected by the others. Those higher up in the pecking order will sometimes make up quasi-religious titles for themselves (Epopt and Primate are particular favorites). This in no way translates into an actual chain of command, however; the Worshippers are extremely independent.
Meetings: The Ironists gather to chat every week or so, wherever possible: at parties, in coffeeshops, at film festivals, in bookstores, on buses. (They really like buses.) They don't really get anything accomplished at these meetings, and usually fail to even plan the next one.
Initiation: The Worshippers of Irony prefer to corner a vic^H^H^H^H candidate at a party, or after a particularly ironic occurrence, and explain the true nature of the universe to them. Most candidates just wander away looking confused, but a few Awaken to the will of Tod.
Chantry: They don't have one. If they did, it would probably be a bus.
Acolytes: College students, intellectuals, comedians, anybody who would read this text.
Sphere/Foci: As Orphans, the Worshippers of Irony have neither a special Sphere nor any associated foci. However, they do prefer to make all of their magicks ironic, which works nearly as a focus.
Concepts: Bus drivers, weird people, college students, intellectuals, anybody who would write or distribute this text.
Quote: "Kind of funny, how you ran to catch this bus, and how it broke down. Well, not funny. Ironic. But that's the way things always seem to work, isn't it? Let me explain something to you..."
Marauders: Rather a lower level of humor, wouldn't you say? These people are a cosmic pie in the face.
(Irony? I LIKE irony. GOOD for the blood, nummy, NUMMY, eat your spinach, boys and gurgles, and you CAN grow up to be like Popeye! Of course, too much Popeye and you fall ASLEEP, like the Cowardly Liar, asleep at THE switch, BOOM, CRASH, BANG!)
Nephandi: They want to bring on the Punchline early and ruin everybody's fun. They also seem to plan to die with the universe they're destroying, which is in really bad taste.
(Who? Oh, never mind. We'll have time for them later.)
The Technocracy: These people have no sense of humor. They MUST BE STOPPED -- but not before we humiliate them by pointing out publicly how they plan to control subjective reality through objectivism.
(DATABASE SEARCHES REVEAL NO FILES CONNECTED WITH "Tod" OR "Worshippers of Irony.")
Akashic Brotherhood: There's this old Zen proverb where some obnoxious young apprentice is bugging his wise old master to find out where everything comes from, why it exists, and what the ultimate end of things is. Finally, his master turns to him and says, "Your breakfast is getting cold." Letting these people run reality might not be such a bad idea.
(I have never heard of these Worshippers of Irony.)
Celestial Chorus: Anybody who wastes time blathering about theology and the mind of God is stupid or insane, if not both.
(Irony? I've never heard of such a theology. Still, it's just another mask for the One.)
Cult of Ecstasy: The Technocracy slaughters us like cattle, Paradox restrains our every effort, reality itself dies upon us, and the Cult of Ecstasy gives us -- Lollapalooza. It's easy to see why they're considered such daring rebels.
(Who are they, man?)
Dreamspeakers: What's really sad is that primitive peoples can do nearly as much damage to Gaia as modern technological civilization does. But lead on, brave eco-squad...
(The spirits tell me nothing of these Ironists. Are you sure they exist at all?)
Euthanatos: You've got to appreciate anybody who kills in order to make life worth living.
(Who?) Hollow Ones: They see the Joke, but concentrate on whining about it. Pathetic.
(I ran into one at a party, once, but he didn't make any sense. Who even cares about Gods of anything anymore? They're just attempts to lie to yourself about the ultimate cruelty of reality.)
Order of Hermes: The Technocracy makes fun of these bozos. Their magick is so devoid of imagination and life that it could probably be performed by a toaster. Are they really the ones trying to bring back the age of dynamism and spiritual freedom?
(Aristotle discusses the Ironist as one of the archetypal characters of a comedy. Is that who you're talking about?)
Sons of Ether: Can one really move forward by going back to the '30s? Still, you've got to love the fact that they call it "Science."
(Irony? I have more important things to worry about than obscure humor!)
Verbena: If the Order of Hermes is an example of the imagination and creative spirit that the Technocrats lack, then these people are a similar lesson in tolerance. Never again the Burning Times, unless it's someone else, right?
(Who are you TALKING about?)
Virtual Adepts: Computer-geek mages? Don't get me started. I suppose they're going to free us from drudgery through Windows, and will elevate our intellects through MUDs and alt.pictures.binary.erotica.
(Well, I did find a file on the Worshippers of Irony on this mailing list. But it wasn't very interesting, so I deleted it. Why?)
Sphere: None.
Advantages: Arcane.
Disadvantages: Obsession: Irony, Social Stigma: Orphan*.
Skills: Bard, Philosophy, Stealth, Theology.