Bloke
By Smiling Jack (kitab@hotmail.com)
Description
This Discipline was developed by the combined efforts of two Kindred millennia ago, who decided that being rude, loutish, and basically having a laugh was more fun than being civilised. They were, of course, absolutely right. This is a an attempt at a companion discipline for The Path Of Bloke.
* Talkin' Bollocks
** Ugh!
Blokes develop an entire language all of their own. It mainly consists of grunts and growls, with the occasional exhalation of air from some orifice or other. Blokes have been known to hold entire conversations without an actual word being said by any participant. Blokes live in a world of their own and as such have terms of reference common only to them. This primitive, sometimes quite disgusting, form of communication can be used to exclude others from conversations, or to talk about people behind their backs, particularly in reference to women.System: All Blokes understand this instinctively, but those without a level in Bloke are considered 'girly,' and would therefore not understand. Human men can attempt to understand this, but only if they have an Intelligence of less than three.
*** I Can Do Fookin' Anything Mate!
Real Blokes don't fail, at all, in anything. Blokes can build, fight, have extremely long bouts of sexual intercourse, and generally eat anything they would ever want to. A Bloke can do any damn thing he put his minds to. Legends exist of Blokes building suspension bridges out of insulation tape and coat hangers, running 20 miles in 5 minutes, eating 38 large pizza's and drinking 63 pints of lager, puking it all up again, and then repeating the feat. All these are true and many more. Basically, this power allows the Bloke to do anything that he wants to, if there are certain things at stake:- If he has made a bet.
- If there is a woman involved.
- The risk of looking girly is involved.
- You might let your mates down.
If all four are involved, then you'd better watch out . . . .
System: The Bloke can literally do absolutely anything that he wants to, so long as the above things are involved. Things will just go right for him.
**** Lost? Bollocks am I!
Blokes don't have one, none at all. To let a Bloke navigate is to find all those back streets and alleys which were never even really there at all. Blokes have such a sense of adventure that they never manage to get anywhere without having a laugh on the way. Hence they get lost on purpose and hope to get into a fight somewhere.System: If a Bloke needs to find something in particular, then by using this power he will go to it, but there will always be something interesting on the way, like being lost, or accidentally wandering into the pub, or getting a Kebab. These activities never actually add any actual time to the journey taken, they are just there to give a bit of interest. Besides which, all Real Blokes end up in the pub eventually . . . .
***** I'm a Double-hard Bastard, me!
At high ranks of this Discipline, a Bloke may take wounds without penalty. That is if they're Real Blokes and not some twat who thinks they're tough. Incapacitated? HAH! I'll crawl over there on my eyelids and bite your bloody legs off! This ability is given to a Bloke to offset their lack of the Dodge skill. A true Bloke can't dodge without appearing to be queer and not wanting to get hurt. There are tales of Blokes having both legs ripped off while misusing a power drill who completed the bungalow and attached the garage before healing the damage. Blokes just tape up the injury, if they're a little bit girly, and just carry on as if nothing happened.System: The Bloke feels no pain whatsoever, and doesn't get wound penalties. Unless he wants to be a complete poof. In which case he shouldn't be a Bloke anyway.