Randomry

By Random A. (blackmores@earthlink.net)

Description

This discipline was invented by that Malkavian guy, Random, after he discovered that Hagbuttry was not available to the general public. So, resolving to make something just as weird (though perhaps not as munchkin) as Hagbuttry, Random set out on a quest across the far reaches of IRC, in order to...umm...well, to do something.

There are five different paths of Randomry, each of which does something. Sort of like Thaumaturgy, or Elementalism, or...Hagbuttry. Each path is learned separately. There is currently only one way to learn Randomry, and that is by asking Random if he'll be good enough to teach you. Or, of course, you could try bashing your head against the wall. Won't give you insight, but you might feel better.

Blithery

Blithery is the art of, well, blithering. Playing with words, ideas, logic, and people's minds. Y'know, Malky stuff. All rolls are Wits or Intelligence + Expression (use whichever is higher; difficulty of the subject's Willpower).

This first power allows the user to create or use words that have no meaning, and somehow imply that there is one. Those subject to this power will be utterly sure that the speaker is saying something, but will have no idea what. The speaker won't know what he's saying, either. Very useful for confusing the hell out of people. Ex: "WOOG!" "Oh, hey! WOOG!"

The user of this power can now create an argument that sounds logical, reasonable, and based on some sort of premise, but is in fact utter bullshit. Targets will find themselves agreeing, but not know why or to what. The user does know what he's trying to convince other people of, or else know what effect is desired. Ex: "Things consist of nothing but their attributes. But attributes are not attributes in and of themselves, so a white horse is not actually a horse." "Oh, right."

The user can make simple noises and induce other people (especially Parr) to make them in return. Useful for distracting people, or else just passing time. Ex: "PING!" "PONG!" "POINK!" "NEEP!"

Now the fun begins. The user can contradict reality, simply by stating it otherwise, and get people to go along with it. In effect, this creates a group delusion. This tends to affect Malkavians and other cool types more than it does, say, Ventrue, Toreador, or Tremere. People obsessed with their own way of thinking will be affected as by Zugwarg. Ex: "That tower isn't there! I blew it up!" "You did?"

This is the ultimate. Really cool. The user can now make a Bibbleblog delusion into actual reality. In effect, this grants the ability to create just about anything, subject to Storyteller limitations (or else common sense, if on IRC). Ex: "I shall blow you away with this machine gun!" "What machine gu..." BOOM!

Chaotissimus (Thanks to BigJobbs)

This is the really really fun art of controlling chaos. Sort of. The user (meaning me, dammit!) can influence the flow of events locally, so that coincidences tend to work in his/her favor. This can be rather weird, of course (a pursuing car would be intercepted by flying squid, or something), and the method of change is never really under the control of the user. To use, roll Willpower (difficulty 7, can be higher at Storyteller's discretion). Botches, by the way, are very, very nasty.

This first power allows manipulation of events or processes that are inherently chaotic, random, or otherwise unstable in ways that are relatively subtle and coincidental. Examples are dice rolling, card shuffling, where you end up in line, the path of a rolling ball, etc. This can't really damage anyone, or do anything conventionally impossible. Yet.

At this level, the vampire can cause events that aren't chaotic to become so, subject to the above restrictions. This can make the path of something like a bullet, which normally moves in a straight line, to become very unstable, to the point that it just falls down. Or, it can do other things. Use your imagination. Still, nothing truly impossible can be done yet.

Sort of like Dementation, except that it doesn't introduce specific Derangements. Instead, the target simply becomes completely dysphoric, aphasiac, delusional, and unable to concentrate or even move. Effects can be even weirder, but nothing permanently damaging, and it's all mental. This can target more than one person, but the difficulty is 8.

This is a more advanced form of Create Chance, in which the user can now cause utterly impossible, ridiculous, or just plain weird thing to happen. Examples are: making somebody's hair melt, turning a tree into an Evil Erehwon Imposter, making Hagbutt brown and sticky, causing the Tremere agents who are pursuing you to explode in multi-colored flames that form the shape of the American Flag, etc. Because of the tremendous potential for abuse, this power must be adjudicated by the Storyteller. Really. I mean it.

This one is really, really nasty. The user introduces a wave of pure, unresolved probability into the area, causing completely random, often destructive, events to occur. Just about anything (subject to Storyteller's whim) can happen with this one. Botching this one is always fatal. I mean it.

Sanctorus

Not, as one might assume, the power of providing protection, but the magical powers necessary to fly and operate Random's starship, the Sanctorum. The Sanctorum is a rather powerful, but quirky, ship that has never actually seen a battle. However, the Sanctorum does quite nicely as a haven, a party place, an area for Random to conduct weird experiments, and a safe hideaway for Random's victims (whom he stuffs into bags and runs off with). All rolls are Intelligence + Science (difficulty 6-9, depending on complexity of what is being attempted).

In order to use the sensor and computer systems, you need this power. The sensors can not only do basic optical and electromagnetic scanning, but also act as motion detectors, Umbral scanners, and a full Auspex system (level equal to the Sanctorum rating). The sensors occasionally decide to scan local TV signals instead of their ordered target, which can be annoying (they seem to like "Benny Hill" and "Baywatch").

The computer is able to store any information on anything, and contains a huge amount of data...the equvalent of a university library's. However, the computer is also rather uppity and moody, and has a tendency to file new entries under X (in no particular order).

The navigation system is able to plot a course anywhere on Earth or in space, with up to 6 destinations at once stored in its active memory. It refuses, however, to go to Bakersfield, because it does not believe in Bakersfield. This is generally not a problem, as Random doesn't believe in Bakersfield either. The manual pilot control system is, for the most part, top notch, but occasionally gets dyslexic and forgets which way is up, down, left, right, etc. This causes manual control of the craft to be rather dangerous at such times.

The engines are extremely powerful and fast, and are capable of moving the ship at 50% light speed. However, in order to get them to go faster than 400 mph, Random usually needs to cajole, comfort, or threaten them (they're afraid of high speeds).

The Umbral hyperdrive is capable of shunting the Sanctorum into the spirit world, and occasionally into the Deep Umbra. The drive shifts across the Gauntlet within 5 seconds, but takes 5 minutes to cross the Horizon. It is also able to transport into individual realms, where it will tend to resemble something appropriate for the realm (Storytellers, use caution). The Sanctorum has never actually been taken across the Horizon, since the Hyperdrive is scared fuel-exhaust-less by the rumors of Great Old Ones and Outer Gods (Random made the mistake of reading it "The Dream Quest of Unknown Kaddath" as a shutdown-time story). It also has epilepsy, and will shut down without warning, leaving the ship stuck in whatever Realm it's currently located in.

The sickbay is a fully equipped infirmary capable of treating any mundane disease or injury (no roll for it), and has a good shot at curing supernatural diseases or wounds. It has a diagnostic computer that can identify any injury or disease, propose treatment, and lecture the sufferer about how irresponsible she was for getting herself into this predicament in the first place.

There are five labs on the ship: a biology lab, a mechanical engineering lab, an electrical engineering lab, a physics lab, a nanotechnology lab, and a Black Lab (sorry, couldn't resist). The labs are, for the most part, cooperative, but tend to get pedantic about whatever their area of expertise is, lecturing on this and that and the other thing.

The Sanctorum's weaponry is extremely powerful, consisting of laser and maser projectors, plasma emitters, electrical blasters, ion cannons, large clubs with nails in them, and the complete works of Barry Manilow on external speakers. Such weapons, especially the last, have the ability to devastate entire cities, and must be handled with extreme care, lest they fall into the wrong hands. There is no better system for this task than the tactical computer, which is a pacifist and absolutely refuses to fire on anything without lots of extensive justification. This is the main reason that the Sanctorum has never seen combat.

The shields englobe the entire ship in a field of protection, stopping any incoming weaponry from harming the Sanctorum. These shields are able to stop almost any weapon, even the aforementioned works of Barry Manilow. The shields might, however, get mixed up in large battles and leave the ship to go englobe another. Fixing this requires shutting the things off and giving them a good kick in the posterior power coupling.

The ship is also equipped with a cloaking device, which renders the Sanctorum completely invisible to all senses...sometimes. The cloaking system tends to forget when it's supposed to be activated, and needs a reminder every half hour or so to prevent it from shutting off due to boredom or distraction.