By Peloquin (ka.vanadis@karlskrona.mail.telia.com)
Now, this young Pander, who was very recently created, happened to be sixth generation. Now, he didn't know this, being a Pander, and not knowing who the (insert suitable curseword here) his sire was, he believed himself to be a Gremere. Now you might wonder what the heck a Gremere is, and I'll tell you. You see, the Pander in question was dyslexic, so he pretty much based an entire new Discipline and bloodline on a highly misread grimoire.
Okay, so this newly invented Gremere decided to go forth and multiply, creating others like him, and eventually creating a whole annoying bloodline, that mainly lived to annoy the Tremere. Since the first Gremere was a little stupid, he waltzed right into a Camarilla Tremere chantry, and subsequently got his ass fried to charcoal, so the original founder of this weird line is quite dead, although younger members of the Gremere claim that he's not dead, he's just biding his time for a correctly timed melodramatic re-entrance. They might be right. His body (or ashes) was never found.
Since his childer were quite a bit smarter than the bloodline founder, they realized that not only were they not Tremere, but also that they had pretty much absolutely no chance whatsoever in a fight against the vampire mages, as their main discipline, Dramathurgy, had as much practical use as a wet herring. So the eldest of his childer, a man calling himself James Dean II, managed to kidnap and stake a sixth generation Caitiff (yes, I am well aware that sixth and seventh generation Caitiff and Panders are very rare, but as this is more or less a spoof, I can make up whatever improbable history I like...so there) possessing a new Discipline he called Kinetics, Diablerized him and subsequently rose in generation and gained a highly useful Discipline, which he then taught to all his younger siblings. So now the Gremere are not only annoying, but also deadly. Fortunately enough, they are so caught up in cheap melodramatics and silly posturing that anyone with a decent level of Celerity can beat the living daylights out of them before they have finished their flashy entrance.
These days the Gremere mostly hang out in the Anarch Free States, where they soak in the (tanning salon) sun, bask in the glory of Hollywood and party all night long. Their battle against the Tremere? They don't care about that anymore; it's much more fun to just be melodramatic when it is totally safe and completely unnecessary . . .
Camarilla: Ahahaa! So, you control the world of mortals do you? Have at you, filthy cur!
"Oh gods, not them. Is there an exit nearby? Damn, he's seen us."
Sabbat: To survive a war . . . you gotta become war . . . taste my really impressive arrow tipped with explosives . . .
"Oh, we kill them on sight, usually...when we can't get them to wander in at the local Tremere chantry, that's funny as hell, that is..."
Kithain (Changelings): I keep telling my contacts to make that Lord of the Rings movie! Get Miramax to pull their heads out of their asses and greenlight the damn project!
"Interesting, to say the least. We once put seven of them in the old sets of that Alien movie with a Thallain Beastie, they immediately fell into repeating every single line from the movie -- including the places where the Beastie, as the alien, came out and chomped them up. We had to save the poor Beastie from the last one, though..."
Garou: Oh, man...that An American werewolf in Paris really sucked! It was as bad as that Interview with the Vampire crapfest...
"Gaia, I hate these guys. If it weren't for them being so easy to chop up, I'd never put up with having to see "POW", "SOCK" "OOF" written in the air every time I fight one . . ."
Mages: GANDALF! SEAN CONNERY SHOULD BE GANDALF! 'NUFF SAID!
"How annoying."
Wraiths: They're heeere . . .
"Thank god we usually never get close to these morons..."
Others: I have no idea what you're talking about. Others? Ain't no such thing.
"I agree with a previous speaker, it's best to kill them on sight."