By The Changeling (dahioshee@hotmail.com)
I know you wanted to know where this bunch of new vampire came from so here's what I found out from two of them. Sit down, you're not going to believe this.
This insane version of the Malkavian Clan started this way: A Malkavian was put into an insane asylum.
No biggie there.
In this asylum were two changelings, a House Eiluned sidhe and a Tao Qi Gui.
The sidhe was stuck in the asylum because he was 'accidentally' oathbound to the Tao.
Everybody in this asylum was on the first threshold of Bedlam, because of the Tao. When the Malkavian arrived, things got worse. The Malk and the Tao became friends, great friends. Their combined powers drove everyone in the asylum, mundanes, changelings and any other Malkavians farther down the road of Bedlam.
After a while the sidhe start falling into the third threshold of Bedlam. The Tao and Malk thought this was funny. His symptoms were part autism and part feral cunning. Mostly everyone in the sidhe's wing were in the throws of the third threshold. This suited the Malkavian to no end. He was in charge of an entire wing. The Tao found this to be a great adventure.
To get to the point. . .
When the sidhe slipped back to the Dreaming he somehow carried his entire wing with him. This included the Malkavian and the Tao.
I don't know how that happened. I wasn't there.
During the shift to Arcadia the Malkavian was transformed into a creature part-Malkavian, part-Tao Qi Gui.
When the wing arrived in Arcadia, they found a abandon Eiluned castle and set up shop. The mortals who were brought along had no choice. They were Embraced as soon as the Malkavian was re-formed.
I know, I know I haven't said why they are called 'Toonkavians', so I'll tell you. Look at their name. It tells you why they're called Toonkavians and what their dementia is.
The two I talk to looked like Hannibal Lecter and Merlin.
After hearing their explanation, don't even ask.
I found some. I'm sending them to you and not them. It seems that if you get involved in their "view of the universe" and play certain induviduals, like Q, the Master or the Joker, you can take advantage of this.
They are also obsessed with cartoons. Thank goodness for the Cartoon Network.
One more thing: they think of themselves as toons so some of the tricks from Who framed Roger Rabbit will work on them.
Man of 10,000 Faces: Because of the Toonkavians being part Tao Qi Gui they can shapeshift into different animals or people.
Dragon Wings: Toonkavians can make functional wings pop out of their back.
Just Like A Toon: Toonkavians have the same invulnerablities and thought patterns of standard toons. Setting one on fire is not a good thing.
Sunlight?? What sunlight??: Toonkavians can stand sunlight. It's a good thing that they only feed at night.
Glamour pools and Cantrips: Toonkavians have Glamour pools and cantrips like normal changelings.
Nosferatu: Back, Back fowl demon! Back I say!!
You call them scary?? Wait until you get aload of me!!!
Tremere: They have no idea what true power is.
How can we get rid of these insane fools. This is a secret we all want.
Ventrue: Never met them; don't want to either.
Gangrel: Part animal. . .Oooo. How retro. The Pooka should keep track of their pets. They can really be a pain.
Toreador: Toro, Toro!!!:)
Brujah: I've heard of mean, but these guys could scare C. Montgomery Burns.
I like these idiots. You knock them down, and they keep coming back for more.
Ravnos: Great parties.
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Lasombra: Are they related to the Cappadocii??
Tzimisce: Never heard of them.
Assamite: Good fighters, but not good enough to beat me. (polishes sword)
Malkavian: Cartoons, brothers. That's were it's at.
Panders: Panders?? Sounds like a creature from the Valley of the Sleeping Dragon. (Obscure joke, ask your parents.:))
Samedi: I've heard rumors that the Doctor's mortal enemy was one of them. I wonder if it's true?
Serpents of the Light: Harmless until provoked.
I like snakes.
Black Hand: Any relation to the Blackfoot Indians.
Need to hire better help.
Camarilla: WHO!!!
Sabbat: Isn't that a Sunday???
Inconnu: I've heard of these old ones but have never met them personally. Must be into books instead of cartoons.
They're Old. Like Me. Let them sleep. Us Old folks need our sleep. Why ya think their never seen. Kids today, Oy!!
Leave them alone!!! Hermits love their privacy.
Giovanni: What's with that clan anyway??
Anarchs: I wonder who Uncle-arch is???
Boggans: Not bad little workers. Their art needs some improvement though.
Eshu: Great stories that would make great cartoons.
Nockers: Can't you guys do anything right???
And I thought the Tremere were annoying.
Pooka: You just got to love these guys.
They learned their animal trick from us. Really. They did.
Redcaps: Always have them cook up you victims. They just do something with the spices. Bon appetite.
Go out to eat with them. They always leave you the best parts.
Satyrs: I wish they hit on someone else besides me.
(Stabs one) That was fun. Can we do that again.
Sidhe: Eehhh. Who ever let them in charge must have been drunk.
They task us, and we shall have them.
Sluagh: Great informants if you can stand the smell.
A normal Malkavian if you ask us.
Tao Qi Gui: I must say, they have given us the gift of reality. We shall always be greatful.
Finally, someone who understands us!!!
Trolls: If you see one good one and one bad one, you seen them all.
Garou: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Their heads come off as easily as humans do.
The Kindred have gone too far this time.
Immortals: Their game is fun and I shall be the one.
Who??? What was that???
Changelings: The rest of the changelings are something else entirely.
What?? Another weird Prodigal???
Wraiths: Great warriors and advisors. Always have some in you army.
Thank you. I Guess.
Mages: Coming from one, they're alright. Always study, study, study. No time for toons. Such a pity. They would be happier if they would loosen up.
The Wyrm: You don't want to know. Trust me.
The Psychics: Seek nothingness of mind and find peace.
GET THEM OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!
Well Your Highness. That's basically it. Any more information on this subject and you will have to ask them about it. Keep your eye on the Skull Brotherhood. Catch ya later.
The Changeling
Riddler of Fae
P.S. My opinion on the Toonkavians is this. . . The world was meant for weird creatures. I just wish that some of the weirdos would return to the Dreaming. They would be happier and less of a pain to the Kithain.